To my sweet Jackson and Aiden,
this is a very brief list of things I feel we should work on:
Recently it has been brought to my attention that you both feel very strongly about certain aspects of your life. I feel I can respect this, however; when you slam your head into my cheekbone while throwing a tantrum because you want to talk on the phone with Dada, I lose some respect for your plight.
I feel I can only tell you so many times that screaming "MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" does NOT always get you what you want. When we are in public, I will admit that it will get a faster response...but do not believe for one second that I'm doing it for YOU. I'm doing it because I hate the unsympathetic stares and glares I get from all of those who either a) don't have kids (yet) or b) are too old and have forgotten what it's like. Mama doesn't need their crap, too.
Just because you CAN feed yourself does not mean I want you to when it comes to messy items like soup, yogurt, cottage cheese, applesauce, ice cream, etc. Utensils are specialized items meant for privileged children we will call "Singletons" and their Mama's who we will call "Lucky." See, these Lucky mom's get to give their Singletons baths once a day because it only takes them about 30 minutes. We can't because Mama has no place to put baby #2 while cleaning baby #1. Babies #1 and #2 need adult supervision at all times now and Mommy and Daddy aren't rich enough to hire a nanny or a housekeeper. Singletons get a chance to try out new and fun things because the Lucky mom's just have one baby to clean up after. I however; have two. All three of us know that as soon as I focus on one of you, the other one pulls some crazy and messy stunt. Yes, you boys are smart. Most times, smarter than I am. Let's face it. During the day, you already outnumber me. You boys own me and I love it. :o)
Jazmin does NOT like you. She doesn't like anyone. Trust me. She's made it painfully obvious.
On the other hand, Peanut loves ANYONE who will give her the time of day. She doesn't care if you pet her, love her, hug her, hit her, punch her, kick her, sit on her, barf on her, call her names...as long as you are doing it to her.
My name is Mama, not Dada. I know I'm not as cool as the parent who gets to leave each day, but I do have a name, too! While we are on the name subject, it's nice to hear you call my name at times other than only when you are hungry. Mama does NOT mean " I'm hungry" or "feed me." I have to admit, I'm starting to get a complex.
We do not need every single spec you find on the floor. Nor do you need to EAT every spec off the floor. Jackson, you are 13 months old and hardly fit in your 18 month old clothes! Aiden, my little guy...well, it's actually believable that we don't feed you, but Jackson! Come on! You have NO excuse! Not only do you both eat three square meals a day, you also get snacks and you eat much better than your father and I.
Aiden, I know you like females-- a lot-- however; you can not stop to "talk" to and flirt with EVERY SINGLE ONE. This would take us days and quite frankly, we don't have the time, Buba. One day, those eyes are going to get you all the women you want, but we don't need the practice at just 13 months old. We've got lots of time to perfect the art of picking up women. Potty training before spending the night with strange women, please.
Jackson, I know you are more like your father and have 0 interest in pleasing complete strangers, but would a smile every once in a while kill you? I know the question of, "Are they twwwwwiiiiiins?" gets really old, believe me. I've been asked that question for much longer than you can remember. Just every once in a while, a smile or a laugh might be nice. Lighten up, Pal.
Aiden, it's not necessary to spit out each new taste that you put in your mouth to look at it, only to put it BACK in your mouth. Yes, we know that if the taste is different, the LOOK probably is too. Trust me, you don't have to take it out and smash it with your hands. This creates one of those messes that only Singletons are allowed. One day, when you have your own Singleton, you can do this at EACH MEAL! I promise I won't laugh at you. HAHA!
If you hang food over the side of the highchair, it will be stolen. Do not doubt this-- ever. Do not abuse this-- ever.
It is not necessary to whine when you are tired. We don't need to cry or push and fight with our brother, either. We can say, "night-night" or we can climb on Mama's lap...something along those lines. I promise I won't keep you up, forcing you to play for one minute longer than you want. When it comes to WANTING to take a nap, you guys are the boss! When it comes to NOT wanting to take a nap, I'M the boss.
I know you like my glasses but we have a strict "hands off" policy when it comes to other people and their personal belongings.
The same goes for: hair, dogs, cats, faces (noses, eyes, ect), necklaces, watches, rings, earrings, ears, food, trees, plants, clothing, hanging clothing in stores, food in stores, people in stores, other shoppers' baskets, straws, forks, knives, spoons, drinks, keys, cell phones, scissors, paper, tape, anything in my hands, anything in Dada's hands, anyone other than family, any railing or fences (or other germ covered surface) we might pass, yogurt, soup, cottage cheese... etc.
Being gentle is important-- both for animals and people alike. Mommy is NOT fond of her eyes being poked out or her face slapped repeatedly. She also doesn't appreciate being used as a trampoline and/or punching bag.
I know you both know what a kiss is and how to give one. The same goes for hugs. Don't be so stingy.
Thank You For Your Continuing Efforts,
Mommy
PS Just kidding about the "Lucky" comment. You both know that your Mama is the luckiest Mama in the world. Period.
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